Generation X wins war against the weak and feeble Generation Z

Olivia Lykins, Layout Editor

    Generation X awoke from their slumber and are prepared for war. With the release of the song “Houdini” from Eminem’s latest album, “The Death of Slim Shady (Coup de Grâce),” Generation Z has put everything into their power to cancel the beloved rapper because of his brave and goated lyrics. Gen X, “having none of that snowflake business,” retaliated against Gen Z by arguing that Eminem is a national treasure and has always just been like that, and called for a full fledged brawl between generations.

   “As a member of the JROTC I will gladly lay down my life for Em, Slim Shady, Marshall. We failed in Operation Drake and we won’t fail again,” said John Rameriez, senior and proud Eminem defender.

   Generation X has been preparing for this war for their entire lives and were patiently waiting for the perfect time to strike. Because they were forced to endure very mentally and physically straining things during their childhood, such as walking to school everyday, drinking water out of a hose, and coming home when the street lights turn on, they believe that they are naturally better than every other generation. All of those tasks Gen X had to endure are equivalent to coal mining, possibly even worse. 

   The beginning of the war was horrific, but Gen X had a secret weapon up their sleeve. With one call on a landline, millions of Boomers, Baby Boomers, and Millenials have collectively joined their powers to knock Gen Z down a notch. Revolutionaries paint a giant red and black x on their face in order to make a statement and cry out for justice. 

   “My heart fills with pride and joy to be born in the superior generation. I knew from the moment I opened my eyes that I was born for something great and fighting this war was it. Gen X is where my loyalties lie,” said an anonymous CHS teacher.

   Gen Zombie, too busy on their phones, were caught off guard by Gen X’s advancements, further putting Gen X at an advantage. Gen X and Gen Z wrestled for the crown of the best generation, but Gen X ultimately locked in and won the war. This further proves that Generation X is the alpha generation.